Early Sunday morning, May 15th 2011, was when all the ''fun'' began. I don't remember anything, really, from Sunday until probably Tuesday, the 17th, or so, except that I was screaming and crying "NO!!" as I was being wheeled down the hall. Now I am not sure if that was before or after the Doctors had already C-Sectioned my son from me. According to what I have been told, Toby's heart rate was very elevated and the Doctors couldn't get it to come back to normal again, so they had to take him for his safety. My mom said that I came back into my room and told her that I'd had him. Then I guess 2 hours later was when I started going down hill. I don't know the specifics of what happened, the only thing I remember was waking up at some point and being asked if it was alright for people to come visit me. I started fully remembering things probably on Tuesday the 17th, as I said. I know I kept asking for Jeff and how my baby was. Someone was nice enough to put a picture of Toby on the wall across from my bed so that I could see him whenever I woke up, for the short times that I was awake. Family and friends came in and out for the next week to visit me, though I couldn't talk, only write, due to the face that I had all sorts of tubes and things attached to me. I eventually learned that what had happened to me is called an Amniotic Embolism. It is a very deadly, but rare, thing that happens during labor. I will post a link to an article at the bottom of this entry for those that wish to read about it.
I learned that while I was in there, Toby was doing fine. Other than being premature, he didn't have too many complications. That made me very happy. Being in the ICU, I didn't get to see him or hold him for the first week of his life. That was a very hard thing for me to have to go through, but on Friday the 20th of May, I was feeling a lot better, and had been moved back down to the Maternity ward of the hospital, and was told that I could see him if I wanted to. I really wanted to see him, but I didn't want to go without Jeff, even though he had seen him constantly that week, so I tried to wait until the next day. That night Jeff went out with some friends, and my family finally went home after having lived in a hospital waiting room for a week. As I laid there in my bed, hearing all of the little babies crying and being soothed by their parents, I got very emotional and made up my mind that I was going to see Toby, even if Jeff wasn't there. So at about midnight I asked my nurse if I could go to the NICU, she called down there, and they said that I could. I got myself into a wheelchair, and with the help of a nurse, made my way to see my son for the first time since he was born!
I was told that I would be able to hold him when I got down there, but then when I was at his bedside, I was told I couldn't because they had just done a test on him and needed him to relax. So I was unable to hold him, which was devastating to me. I stayed only about 15 minutes because I was getting tired and it was hard for me to stand for long periods of time, so I said goodbye to my baby and went back to my room to try to sleep. But when I got there, all I could do was cry because I was alone, and I didn't get to hold my baby like I'd wanted to. I finally fell asleep, and when I woke up the next morning Jeff was sleeping in the bed next to mine.
I am sorry, that is all I can do tonight. Goodnight and pleasant blogging :)
An article on Amniotic Embolisms: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amniotic_fluid_embolism
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